Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?

There's something that has been bothering me for a while: I have no set group of friends. I mean I have friends, and very close ones at that, but I don't have a "group," per say. Because of the way I left things at Berry, I'm not considered to be "in" my group of friends there. It's still hurtful to look at pictures of people being in each others weddings, getting together at holidays, etc., and knowing that I would have been there but I'm not considered for those events anymore.

I have very close individual friends, but each of them have their own group that I'm not a part of. You know, the group that goes out drinking on Friday nights or gets a place down at the beach together during the summer. I know part of this has to do with being married (and with my husband being more of a loner) but it's still hard.

I would say my closest group of friends (as a group) would have to be my Spain friends (that I studied abroad with). I love them so much but I don't spend nearly enough time with each of them so we actually see each other rarely. I guess I'm just longing for that close group of friends that calls each other each week to see what's going on that weekend. I want to be a "default" person in a group. You know, like when everyone's going out on Thursday, of course you'd call Michaelanne because she's supposed to be there. I guess having had it before makes it all the harder when you don't have it.

Sounds kind of pathetic, doesn't it? It's actually pretty embarrassing to admit this because it makes me feel like a loser. Sad, I know, but it feels better to put my feelings down in words.